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Coming out can be hard at any age, but by the time you’re well into adulthood it may feel terrifying, and be completely life-changing. Many people who come out in their thirties and onwards may have wanted to for a long time but not felt safe enough to do so. As October 11 marks National Coming Out Day, it’s important to reflect on how, if and when people can share their authentic selves. “I wasn’t raised in a time when it felt safe to express attraction to women,” says author and creative mentor Fiona Fletcher Reid, who came out last year at the age of 35. “I wasn’t sure about my sexuality until I had psychosexual therapy and was able to explore all the layers of internalised homophobia and repression that I had accumulated over my 35 years,” she says. So, how you can support someone who is going through it? Don’t assume everyone is the same Not every person’s coming out looks the same, and some LGBTQ+ experiences are not universal. “Coming out is a personal experience and because it is often physically and emotionally dangerous to be openly queer, lots of people never feel able to be open,” says Fletcher Reid, now 36. “Some people might feel free to come out once they have ended a particular relationship, or after meeting people who they feel safe around. “For others, like me, it’s that we don’t consciously acknowledge our sexuality until we are a lot older and have the confidence to work through the emotional implications and real-life consequences that come with that,” The writer, from Glasgow, was going through a divorce at the time with a man she’d been with since the age of 17. “During therapy, I talked a lot about the pain I was experiencing during intercourse as well as my general anxiety around sex. It wasn’t until I’d built up a trusting relationship with my therapist that I felt able to discuss the fact that I thought I might be gay and I did not expect that to come up, so I was just as surprised as everyone else when I came out.” Don’t question their authenticity Validate what the person who has come out is saying. “Don’t say, ‘Are you sure?’ because you can rest assured that the person coming out to you has thought long and hard about this,” says Fletcher Reid. “Casting self-doubt on someone when they have opened up a vulnerable part of themselves to you is hurtful.” Don’t question them about their sex life It’s no one else’s business. “Please don’t ask about whether they have been intimate with anyone, or any other sort of suggestion that they need to ‘prove’ their sexuality to you,” she stresses. Consider what they feel and accept that it is a big deal They are probably feeling “a mix of emotions, including excited, happy, empowered and scared for their safety”, says Fletcher Reid. “Sadly coming out can still cause huge ruptures in relationships so be aware that this is a huge moment for them and comes with real consequences. “Dismissing their experience as ‘not a big deal’ because you think it’s ‘normal to be gay’ now is a dangerous and false narrative.” It may sound simple, but just listening and supporting them is vital. “Be there to listen and try to celebrate all the new things that they are exploring as they come out, whether that’s dating, meeting new people or finding ways to experiment with their identity through fashion,” says Fletcher Reid. “Repeat often that you love and care for them and that you accept this evolution of them, that you are happy to see them happy.” Suggest they find community “Encourage them to talk to other people who have been through similar experiences if you can,” she says. “As much as friends and family want to understand what they are going through, it is far more validating to talk to someone else who has come out later in life and understands the emotional intricacies of the experience. “They can also hopefully show them that there are good times ahead.” Thank them for sharing with you “It is a privilege that someone trusts you with coming out, especially later in life. Tell them that you are honoured to have been trusted with this information, and reassure them that you will keep it private until they are ready to tell other people,” Fletcher Reid suggests. “The best reactions that I had from people were seeing their joy that I had discovered this important part of myself, and that had a huge impact on my ability to feel hopeful amidst the pain caused by my divorce. “Allowing them to feel conflicted and guilty and offering reassurance that they have the right to be themselves will make them feel so much happier.” Read More Israel-Hamas conflict: How to talk to teenagers about distressing news stories Autumn décor ideas for a seasonal refresh Why you shouldn’t tidy your garden too much in autumn World Mental Health Day: 5 ways to beat anxiety and change your life Alternative veg to grow for next season How to spot if your child is struggling with their mental health – and what to do next

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Ryan Reynolds has spoken candidly about his mental health, revealing that his mind can “spin out of control” sometimes. The actor, 46, spoke candidly about his mental health challenges during an interview with Page Six on 9 October, while attending non-profit organisation Bring Change to Mind’s annual Revels & Revelations Gala. Speaking to the outlet, he revealed that he’s found himself spinning “out of control” at times, before noting that he’s “not always great” at maintaining his mental equilibrium. However, Reynolds shared some routines that he follows when struggling with his mental health. “I certainly have my own little rituals and those kinds of things that help me stay grounded and keep my mind from spinning out of control,” he said. “Sometimes I’m really good at it, sometimes I’m not.” The Deadpool star noted that when he becomes aware of those “out of control” moments, he meditates in order to “take the time” for himself to regroup. He also shared how he’s become aware of his own lifestyle traits that he wants to work on amid his mental health struggles. “I tend to overbook myself when I’m spiraling that way,” he said. “I’m sort of aware of that stuff and I manage it as well as you can.” This isn’t the first time that Reynolds has spoken out about his mental health. He first opened up about his struggles with anxiety in February 2022 during an appearance on CBS’s Sunday Morning. “I’ve had anxiety my whole life really and you know, I feel like I have two parts of my personality. That one takes over when that happens,” he said. He also recalled how his feelings of anxiety would intensify before appearances on talk shows, such as Late Night With David Letterman. “I remember I’d be standing backstage before the curtain would open,” he said. “And I would think to myself: ‘I’m gonna die. I’m literally gonna die here. The curtain’s gonna open and I’m just gonna be a symphony of vomit.’ Just, like, something horrible’s gonna happen!” The Green Lantern star then noted that “as soon as that curtain opens” before he goes on stage, “this little guy takes over” that ultimately helps him manage his anxiety. “And he’s like: ‘I got this. You’re cool.’ I feel, like, my heart rate drop and my breathing calm, and I just sort of go out and I’m this different person. And I leave that interview going: ‘God, I’d love to be that guy!’” he said. During his appearance at Bring Change to Mind’s event on 11 October, Reynolds also discussed conversations that he and his wife, Blake Lively, have with their children about mental health. “I think it’s more about talking to them about everything,” he told People at the gala. “It’s genuine when I say I take a huge interest in their days and how things are going.” Reynolds and Lively, who’ve been married since 2012, share three daughters: James, eight, Inez, seven, and Betty, four. In February, they welcomed their fourth child, whose name hasn’t been publicly revealed. The Free Guy star also explained that the “best time” of his day is when he walks his children to and from school. When discussing some of the challenges that children often face, Reynolds praised his daughters for the self-awareness they’ve developed. “I think as parents, we are so much better equipped to handle the rigours of childhood through our kids now than when I was a kid. It’s just totally different now,” he said. “People are much more self-aware. And that’s the thing we sort of hang our hat on the most is self-awareness with our kids. Not be happy, not be anything, just be self-aware and welcome everything in.” Read More Ryan Reynolds describes experience attending Travis Kelce’s game with Taylor Swift From double dates to parenthood: A timeline of Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds’ relationship NFL defends Taylor Swift coverage during games as Travis Kelce says they’re ‘overdoing it’ Ryan Reynolds describes experience attending Travis Kelce’s game with Taylor Swift Pokemon’s Detective Pikachu Returns and more top games of the week Travis Kelce reveals the two people who helped him woo Taylor Swift