A woman has been urged to leave her boyfriend after she admitted that his attempt at being “cute” left her feeling uncomfortable.
In a lengthy Reddit post, the 28-year-old said that her partner (who is 11 years her senior) managed to locate her in CCTV footage and then sent her the images.
She explained that she works remotely and likes to take her laptop to a nearby mall with an indoor botanical garden.
“One day I told him I was there, and then later he texted me several photos that made me feel uncomfortable,” she recounted.
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“The photos were stills from security footage from cameras around the mall. The pictures were me at a coffee shop, walking, and working on my laptop.
“I don’t know how he accessed the security footage system, he doesn’t work in a field even remotely related to security,” she continued. “Receiving these pictures made me feel weird, and I sent him a direct message saying to not do it again.
“I know he intended for this to be flattering or ‘cute’ but…..it didn’t feel cute. It was an awkward and uncomfortable situation to be in and we didn’t talk about it beyond that.”
However, she said the matter came up several months later when they were discussing unresolved conflicts in their relationship.
“I brought that up as an example of something that upset me and was never addressed,” the 28-year-old wrote. “I told him it wasn’t cute and felt invasive.”
She went on: “He told me that by sending him a direct text that day saying not to do it again, that I had ‘lost my s**t’ on him just to make him seem like a creep, and I was ‘delusional’ for being upset.
“He said he talked about it with friends and they said it was actually cute and I was basically being overly critical or harsh.”
This wasn’t an opinion shared by fellow Redditors, hundreds of whom flocked to offer the original poster (OP) their support.
“Your boyfriend is old enough to be your father, stalking you, and gaslighting you when you feel uncomfortable. RUN,” one reccomended.
The OP replied: “Thank you! [I don't know] why it’s so tough for some people to simply say 'oh I’m sorry, I didn’t intend for it to come across that way, I made a misjudgment' and then just apologise and move on. Instead of getting into this gaslighty territory of telling someone they’re ‘delusional’ for having their emotions.”
“Because he’s an emotionally immature almost-50-year-old,” a second commentator responded. “That’s why he’s dating someone 20 years his junior - he’s hoping you’re not mature enough to recognise how much of a red flag his behaviour is.”
Others questioned how the 49-year-old had managed to get his hands on the footage in the first place.
“How exactly does he have access to the cameras to begin with?” one asked. “It’s not like security footage is public; it adds a whole layer of illegality to what he’s doing.”
“I would also be contacting the local police/ owners of the property where the surveillance cameras are based/ security company and telling them that information was being used this way…,” said another.
“Be ready to slap him with a restraining order since he is already stalking you and illegally accessing cameras to do so - keep the pictures for proof,” added a third.
While a fourth stressed: “This is a breach of your privacy, OP. This guy is the delusional one. Do not ignore this red flag – it’s controlling and abusive behaviour.”
The OP responded by trying to reassure her defenders that her boyfriend’s initial act wasn’t as bad as it seemed.
“I believe it was unspeakably obtuse/dumb/lacked any awareness, but not intended to be malicious or controlling,” she wrote.
“However, stonewalling me after I said he had crossed the line instead of talking about it, acknowledging he had messed up and apologising, then later outright refusing to empathise with my discomfort when I brought it up again and telling me my emotions were ‘delusional’ is all out of line.”
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