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I present my children on Instagram like they live in a fairytale – could it damage them?
Freshly cut roses. Sumptuous Marie Antoinette-style birthday cakes. Vintage Liberty dresses in Strawberry Thief fabric. Shetland ponies. These are some of the ingredients of my Instagram posts featuring my kids. I wouldn’t call myself a “sharent” by any means – someone who overshares their children’s intimate lives on social media in one long, parental “humblebrag”. But whenever I do post, it is picture-perfect. My kids look like they’ve walked straight out of a fairytale. But is it naff? Like tablescaping your kids? A form of digital narcissism? Is it, in its own unique way, a parental kind of “thirst trap”? To an extent, I’m luring others into a fantasy that doesn’t exist. I like to project a wonderfully idyllic life as a single mum... when quite frankly, it isn’t. It’s like when people try to woo their ex-partners back by posting shots of themselves half-naked and having the best time of their lives, despite crying into their pillow heartbroken all day and night. Some mums are professionals at posting perfect dreamy shots of their kids. Look no further than Carrie Johnson, Tamara Ecclestone, Stacey Solomon, and Kate and Rio Ferdinand. For celebrities and influencers, a picture-perfect ideal is the norm on social media – there are lots of cream interiors and matching Christmas jumpers. They might be promoting a homeware brand, or tagging a pram they got for free. Even when it’s tastefully done, like the former PM’s wife’s Instagram, it always gives the impression that motherhood is wondrous. That life is one big, happy Timotei advert. Even when celebrities try to be more candid, it doesn’t work. Mum-of-two Millie Mackintosh, formerly of Made in Chelsea, recently posted a “toddler tornado dump” on her Instagram. “I feel like it’s so easy to always share the nice, polished, life,” she wrote. “Well, today, I’m here to break that pattern.” The glimpse “into the delightful chaos” of Mackintosh’s maternal life included photos of a toothbrush and toothpaste on a bathroom basin, a bedroom littered with hair bows, and a make-up drawer with a few brown concealer stains on it. Really? Is that as bad as motherhood gets? For me, it’s simply more interesting to post magical rather than mundane shots. But why on earth do I want to present my kids as if they’re living in one long, tasteful pastel-coloured dream, where everything looks enchanting? No messy hair. No sleep deprivation. No kids bored out of their minds. I don’t require a filter, either – I’m already looking at life through rose-tinted spectacles, and expecting everyone else to do the same. But am I totally deluded? And, more than anything, could it be damaging to my children? Dr Charlotte Armitage, who is currently the duty-of-care psychologist on ITV’s Big Brother, has big concerns. “First of all, it’s impacting the relationship between the parent and a child because the relationship is contingent on the creation of these images and the number of likes that follow,” she says, adding that when you are “truly happy” with your situation, “you don’t tend to post perfect images”. It’s more important to ask ourselves the question of why we feel the need to present this kind of picture-perfect image of ourselves to the world. Is it because, in reality, we are discontented with our lives? Dr Charlotte Armitage, psychologist As parents, she continues, we are modelling behaviours to our children. “They learn by imitation – if mum is taking photos and seeking validation from likes, the child starts to become validated by these likes themselves and will develop an external focus of control; they will learn that validation comes from what others think of them. This is unhealthy because, throughout life, a child’s self-esteem and self-worth become based on what others think about them rather than how they feel about themselves.” The key, she says, is realising we shouldn’t use social media to fulfil our self-worth. “It’s more important to ask ourselves the question of why we feel the need to present this kind of picture-perfect image of ourselves to the world,” she says. “Is it because, in reality, we are discontented with our lives?” According to research, the average child today has had their image put on social media 1,300 times before the age of 13 – I can see this trajectory for my kids unless I put on the brakes. There are already widespread concerns over the data. In France, an anti-sharing bill continues to be discussed in the country’s senate, and parents could potentially be banned from sharing photos of their children on social media. It could also become mandatory for influencers to admit if a photo or video they posted was retouched or filtered. There is controversy over whether pictures of kids should even be posted online at all, as many are too young to even give permission. How will they feel about the spread of their image in the future? What happens if their identity is stolen – or worse, used by paedophiles? Does it promote a distorted reality of motherhood, compared with which other “normal” mums feel inadequate? And can it backfire on the parents when children’s rights in the digital era are not honoured? “Children tend to be frustrated or critical of the way their parents share images of them,” says Professor Sonia Livingstone, from the department of media and communications at the London School of Economics and Political Science. “Not because they are made to seem ‘perfect’ but because they can be embarrassed, even shamed, in the eyes of their peers. Meanwhile, parents feel hugely under pressure in many ways, both to be perfect parents and also because such images leave parents competing with each other and isolated in their own seemingly inadequate lives.” Dr Cosmo Duff Gordon is the founder of leading addictions clinic Start2Stop, and a psychologist in private practice at Chelsea Recovery Associates. He says that in his 20-year career as a psychologist, he’s “never had a parent sit in front of him and say ‘I’m addicted to Instagram,’” but that’s not because social media addiction doesn’t exist. He puts it largely down to “denial” – “not least since the use of social media can involve so many of the processes that usually characterise classic alcohol or drug addiction”. Denial being the number one culprit. “Obvious ones might be obsession, compulsion, capture of attentional focus and loss of control,” he says. “More subtly, social media use can involve the same sort of self-medication, or escape from reality, that addiction offers – and being a parent is hard. That’s why drifting into a fantasy land can be a relief from the daily grind of motherhood.” Parenting expert Hannah Keeley – aka “America’s #1 Mom Coach” – is more upbeat about mums posting potentially inauthentic photos of their kids. “The hardest truth to accept is that there are some mums who are actually professionalising motherhood to this level,” she says. “Not that they have achieved perfection, but they take pride in their performance as mums and use social media as a way to confirm that to themselves and boost their confidence to encourage their efforts. Should these mums also be obligated to ensure that all mums feel good about themselves, whether or not they have invested in their career to this level? Mums don’t have to be responsible for other mums’ perceptions.” After great debate and reflection, I’ve decided I’m happy with my Insta posts. They might be driven by my background, where my sister and I ran around in white nightdresses as if we had starring roles in Picnic at Hanging Rock. Or because I was conditioned to believe that how we look – even how thin we were – equalled self-worth. I’m not setting myself up to be a supermum. I don’t look at how many likes I get. It’s true that us mums also need to share our parenting experiences honestly, to let other mums know they are not alone. But for now, I’m not doing a U-turn – I’m just living the fairytale dream. Read More My daughter’s horsey hobby makes her happy, but our home now hums If poachers make the best gamekeepers, do siblings make the best babysitters? 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Lewis Hamilton gives update on Brad Pitt F1 movie amid Hollywood strikes
Lewis Hamilton is not “massively concerned just yet” about the impact of the Hollywood strikes on the upcoming Formula 1 movie starring Brad Pitt. Filming has begun on the Apple Studios production, with the working title ‘Apex’, and specially-modified F2 cars have been filming at races this season including in Silverstone and Budapest. Pitt, who was involved in a scene in racing overalls following the national anthem at Silverstone alongside co-star Damson Idris, is expected in Monza this weekend during the Italian Grand Prix. Seven-time F1 world champion Hamilton, who is a producer and consultant for the film, gave an update to media last week amid the Writers Guild of America strike over low pay and the rise of artificial intelligence – and the subsequent impact it could have on the movie’s production. When asked if he was concerned that the film could be written off, Hamilton replied: “No. I know that Apple is fully behind us and wants us to go ahead. Everyone in the team is fully focused on making the greatest movie we can and it’s just a matter of time. “It’s definitely not the easiest time, I think, for actors around the world, but hopefully it’s something that will be resolved in the not-too-distant future. “The positive thing for us is we’re still able to do some filming, still able to use stunt doubles we still have editing and things we can do with the stuff we’ve already caught.” Mercedes star Hamilton has been involved in the plot construction and casting of the film alongside star director Joe Kosinski, famed for his role in last year’s blockbuster, Top Gun: Maverick. Hamilton added: “I’ll be on calls with Joe next week as we continue to finish off the story and so there’s a couple of races we need to go through and talk about the wording and how it’s worded through the race with the different races. “I’m not massively concerned just yet.” Hamilton will be back in racing action for Mercedes this weekend in Monza, hoping to improve after a sixth-place finish at last weekend’s Dutch Grand Prix. Read More Brad Pitt shares first details about F1 movie after ‘warm’ lap at Silverstone: ‘I had no idea what it takes’ Brad Pitt spotted filming new F1 movie at Silverstone ahead of British GP Formula One welcomes Brad Pitt but is wary of protesters at British Grand Prix Charles Leclerc speaks out about Ferrari future How does Verstappen’s win-streak compare to fellow record-holder Vettel’s? F2 champion Felipe Drugovich to feature for Aston Martin at Italian Grand Prix
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I made an air fryer Thanksgiving dinner so you don’t have to
I haven’t turned on my oven since I was given an air fryer three Christmases ago. This may seem unbelievable, but, living in New York City, where the kitchens are closet-sized and a dishwasher is the thing of dreams, it’s a reality I’ve become resigned to. In the last three years, my air fryer hasn’t let me down once, whether it be cooking salmon or zucchini fries. If anything, I’d say I’ve become a better cook because of its existence. Because I love my air fryer more than anything, or at least more than any other kitchen appliance, I happily offered to host a Friendsgiving dinner this year for my nearest and dearest. After all, armed with my miniature oven, I’d be able to whip a traditional feast up in no time. To my dismay, after I’d informed my friends (all three of them) of my planned cooking method, they all decided to cancel. One was more upfront about it, citing a fear of salmonella, while the other two suddenly remembered conflicting plans. I wasn’t deterred. Thanksgiving is my favourite holiday, and I am one of the few people who actually loves Thanksgiving food. Is there anything better than smothering a plate of beige foods with beige gravy? This air fryer Friendsgiving would be a dinner of one. After deciding on the menu, I headed to the grocery store, where I picked up a teeny, tiny Cornish hen as a turkey replacement, a sweet potato and some mini marshmallows, a can of crescent rolls, seasoned bread crumbs and chicken stock for stuffing, Brussels sprouts, gravy, pumpkin pie filling for a premade pie crust, and some tinfoil. I felt like a TikTok chef, ready to be the star. My first mistake, of which there would end up being many, was timing, as I didn’t consider exactly how long this dinner would take if I were air-frying all of the components separately. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what I did. If you do embark on a similar journey, I’d say this is the most important thing to consider. Like any other Thanksgiving meal, creating a spreadsheet of what needs to go into the oven when would have helped immensely. At 6pm, I promptly set out on my dinner preparation. By 6.15pm, I was bleeding and covered in BBQ sauce after a jar fell out of my cupboard and smashed on my kitchen floor while I was reaching for spices to season my chicken - a step I recommend avoiding. My faith in my ability to successfully make this meal had already begun to wane. Despite the setback, I seasoned my chicken and plopped it in the air fryer breast down, as recommended by a recipe I found online. According to the instructions, I was to set the air fryer at a temperature of 380F for 20 minutes, and then flip the chicken and cook it for an additional 10 minutes. When the 30 minutes were up, I opened my air fryer with glee to find a perfectly crispy chicken. I was beyond impressed with myself. If I could make this mini Thanksgiving main course, I could make anything. As it turns out, the mediocrely cooked chicken was the extent of my good luck, and even that was pushing it. When it came to the stuffing, which I decided to make next, the air fryer turned it nearly as hard as rocks when the recipe instructions promised it would come out a golden brown. The pieces that weren’t hard enough to crack my teeth were somewhat tasty though, so I’d say that was almost a win. The sweet potato, which was meant to be sweet potato casserole, proved to be one of the biggest disappointments of the meal, with me solely to blame. Although I’m not sure exactly how I would have cooked canned yams for the base of the dish in the air fryer, attempting to cook a rock-solid sweet potato didn’t work either. By the end of 30 minutes at the highest temperature, my potato was still mostly raw. I finally just covered it with marshmallows, which crisped up nicely in the air fryer, and called it a day. If you are going to follow my lead, I do think canned yams would make more sense, or at least cutting up the sweet potato into smaller chunks so it takes less time to cook. The Brussels sprouts were, thankfully, easy to make in the air fryer, and one of the only components that didn’t turn out completely terrible. It turns out it’s pretty hard to mess up Brussels sprouts, even for the worst chefs among us. I’d even go as far as to say this is a quality replacement for a true, oven-roasted Thanksgiving side, and a way to cut down cooking time on the actual holiday. I assumed the most foolproof part of the meal would be the crescent rolls, which looked nearly perfect when I took them out of the air fryer, where they’d cooked for a mere six minutes on a bed of foil. Unfortunately, my first eager bite resulted in a mouthful of raw dough. As someone who has relied so frequently on my air fryer for sustenance, I was both surprised and disheartened by the massive failure the endeavour was turning out to be. By this time, after an hour and a half of going at it, I had just two components left: gravy, which I confidently assured myself I could heat in the air fryer, and a miniature, makeshift pumpkin pie that I’d made. After creating a little gravy boat from tin foil, which I assured myself was safe to put in the air fryer, I poured the premade gravy in and wished for the best. After five minutes, during which I’d stopped to stir the goopy mixture, I removed the gravy to find that, for all intents and purposes, it had worked. The gravy was lukewarm, which seemed like a win. However, a quick taste test proved that it was one of the grossest accompaniments I’d ever tried, but I’m unsure whether this was due to error on my part or Whole Foods. At this point, at 8pm, I plated my Thanksgiving air fryer meal. And, to my surprise, it looked absolutely perfect. It was one of the most beautiful meals I’d ever made myself, and looked like it would be at home on any Thanksgiving table. My pride slowly seeped out with each bite, however, as I gave the meal an overall rating of two out of 10. The chicken that I’d so painstakingly seasoned and then flipped? Both extremely crispy and dry, while also a concerning colour of light pink. I ate a leg before I reminded myself that I didn’t have time to get sick from salmonella this holiday season. I moved onto the sweet potato, which had hardened on top from the marshmallows and, it turns out, was not even a little cooked inside. I ate the marshmallows, but begrudgingly. Fortunately, the edges of the crescent rolls were cooked enough to be edible, so I nibbled on those while I contemplated whether or not pouring the disgusting gravy on top of the rock-hard stuffing would make it more palatable. I sat in disappointed silence as I ate my Brussels sprouts, which are obviously the worst part of any Thanksgiving meal, but which were the only edible part of mine. As for the pie, I put it in the air fryer to cook while I ate my dinner, only to be too concerned by the pie tin setting on fire, or worse, ruining my air fryer, and removing it while still raw. My air fryer Thanksgiving dinner was disgusting and time-consuming and, ultimately, inedible. But, did I have fun? Also no. If you do follow in my footsteps, maybe pick just one Thanksgiving component to air fry, such as the vegetables, or a turkey breast, rather than an entire bird. With a day to go before Thanksgiving, I’ve travelled home, where I will happily enjoy a Thanksgiving feast made in an oven. Read More Mayo slander doesn’t make you a foodie – it makes you boring Best wines to pair with Thanksgiving dinner Three easy cranberry sauce recipes to try this Thanksgiving Mayo slander doesn’t make you a foodie – it makes you boring Best wines to pair with Thanksgiving dinner Three easy cranberry sauce recipes to try this Thanksgiving
2023-11-23 00:56
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