Coming out can be hard at any age, but by the time you’re well into adulthood it may feel terrifying, and be completely life-changing. Many people who come out in their thirties and onwards may have wanted to for a long time but not felt safe enough to do so. As October 11 marks National Coming Out Day, it’s important to reflect on how, if and when people can share their authentic selves. “I wasn’t raised in a time when it felt safe to express attraction to women,” says author and creative mentor Fiona Fletcher Reid, who came out last year at the age of 35. “I wasn’t sure about my sexuality until I had psychosexual therapy and was able to explore all the layers of internalised homophobia and repression that I had accumulated over my 35 years,” she says. So, how you can support someone who is going through it? Don’t assume everyone is the same Not every person’s coming out looks the same, and some LGBTQ+ experiences are not universal. “Coming out is a personal experience and because it is often physically and emotionally dangerous to be openly queer, lots of people never feel able to be open,” says Fletcher Reid, now 36. “Some people might feel free to come out once they have ended a particular relationship, or after meeting people who they feel safe around. “For others, like me, it’s that we don’t consciously acknowledge our sexuality until we are a lot older and have the confidence to work through the emotional implications and real-life consequences that come with that,” The writer, from Glasgow, was going through a divorce at the time with a man she’d been with since the age of 17. “During therapy, I talked a lot about the pain I was experiencing during intercourse as well as my general anxiety around sex. It wasn’t until I’d built up a trusting relationship with my therapist that I felt able to discuss the fact that I thought I might be gay and I did not expect that to come up, so I was just as surprised as everyone else when I came out.” Don’t question their authenticity Validate what the person who has come out is saying. “Don’t say, ‘Are you sure?’ because you can rest assured that the person coming out to you has thought long and hard about this,” says Fletcher Reid. “Casting self-doubt on someone when they have opened up a vulnerable part of themselves to you is hurtful.” Don’t question them about their sex life It’s no one else’s business. “Please don’t ask about whether they have been intimate with anyone, or any other sort of suggestion that they need to ‘prove’ their sexuality to you,” she stresses. Consider what they feel and accept that it is a big deal They are probably feeling “a mix of emotions, including excited, happy, empowered and scared for their safety”, says Fletcher Reid. “Sadly coming out can still cause huge ruptures in relationships so be aware that this is a huge moment for them and comes with real consequences. “Dismissing their experience as ‘not a big deal’ because you think it’s ‘normal to be gay’ now is a dangerous and false narrative.” It may sound simple, but just listening and supporting them is vital. “Be there to listen and try to celebrate all the new things that they are exploring as they come out, whether that’s dating, meeting new people or finding ways to experiment with their identity through fashion,” says Fletcher Reid. “Repeat often that you love and care for them and that you accept this evolution of them, that you are happy to see them happy.” Suggest they find community “Encourage them to talk to other people who have been through similar experiences if you can,” she says. “As much as friends and family want to understand what they are going through, it is far more validating to talk to someone else who has come out later in life and understands the emotional intricacies of the experience. “They can also hopefully show them that there are good times ahead.” Thank them for sharing with you “It is a privilege that someone trusts you with coming out, especially later in life. Tell them that you are honoured to have been trusted with this information, and reassure them that you will keep it private until they are ready to tell other people,” Fletcher Reid suggests. “The best reactions that I had from people were seeing their joy that I had discovered this important part of myself, and that had a huge impact on my ability to feel hopeful amidst the pain caused by my divorce. “Allowing them to feel conflicted and guilty and offering reassurance that they have the right to be themselves will make them feel so much happier.” Read More Israel-Hamas conflict: How to talk to teenagers about distressing news stories Autumn décor ideas for a seasonal refresh Why you shouldn’t tidy your garden too much in autumn World Mental Health Day: 5 ways to beat anxiety and change your life Alternative veg to grow for next season How to spot if your child is struggling with their mental health – and what to do next

Throngs of fans have gathered in singer Sinead O’Connor’s former hometown in Ireland to say goodbye following her funeral

How do you "serve cunt" in a nuanced way? "Serving cunt" is the ability to

By Richard Cowan WASHINGTON Democratic President Joe Biden and top congressional Republican Kevin McCarthy struck a deal on

A former Republican candidate for governor of Michigan has been sentenced to two months behind bars for joining a mob’s attack on the U.S. Capitol

Meta Platforms said on Monday it will offer users in Europe a subscription plan to use Facebook and

Boris Johnson and Donald Trump have quite a bit in common as two populist iconoclasts in hot water after leaving the top office in their respective nations

Eintracht Frankfurt forward Omar Marmoush equalised in injury time to snatch a point in a 1-1 draw at derby rivals...

Julio Urías’ locker has been removed from the Los Angeles Dodgers’ clubhouse, and two murals featuring the World Series-winning pitcher have been covered up at Dodger Stadium ahead of the team’s homestand this week

Frank Lampard has revealed he will not stay on at Chelsea to work under their next manager, with Mauricio Pochettino expected to be confirmed as Graham Potter’s successor. Lampard has been in interim charge at Stamford Bridge for the last nine games, losing seven, and his short-term contract will expire at the end of the season. He is expected to focus on trying to get another managerial post after previous spells in charge of Derby, Chelsea and Everton while Pochettino is likely to be joined by his usual backroom staff of Jesus Perez, Miguel D’Agostino, Toni Jimenez and his son Sebastiano. And Lampard said: “A new manager will come in and bring his own coaches, for sure.” Chelsea gave new champions Manchester City a guard of honour before Pep Guardiola’s side beat them 1-0 at the Etihad Stadium and Lampard urged his players to show the same work ethic if they want to emulate them. He added: “I don’t think they should have to do a guard of honour to understand. Manchester City have not won three [Premier League titles] in a row through half intensity. They have had to work and work and work. The players have to understand that. They have to take personal responsibility and say: ‘I want to be [Erling] Haaland or [Kevin] De Bruyne, I have to put in the work they have.’ It is something they have to strive towards.” Chelsea will finish in the bottom half of the Premier League this season but Lampard believes it is up to the players what they achieve in the future. He said: “It is in their hands. I can’t say that how long it will take. It is down to the players and the direction of the club. This Premier League is getting tougher.” Read More Man City’s Premier League coronation shows how far their rivals have fallen Enzo Fernandez is Chelsea’s sole shining light to take into next season Mauricio Pochettino agrees Chelsea terms and plots summer transfers

Rob Manfred is an absolute piece of sh*t. We all knew that before the Oakland A's relocation saga, but had it confirmed for us on Thursday during a press conference about the franchise's move to Las Vegas. At every turn, Manfred was smug, smarmy, a flat-out liar and, worst of all, heartless. He's a horrendous representative for the game of baseball and, if he had any sense at all, he'd walk away right now.

Bruce Springsteen is following doctor's orders and taking more time off from touring.